Judy’s No-Fail Weight Loss Program: Equipment: one (1) 25-lb grandson who is a fast crawler or (1) 25-lb bowling ball, constantly rolled at the speed of a crawling child.
Procedure: roll the bowling ball constantly through the house, pull it away from all electric cords and other child hazards. Pick up the ball and move it about every 30 seconds. At 10:00 a.m. carry the bowling ball up the stairs and take a 2-hour break. No sitting on the couch, though, you must swiffer or vacuum all the floors and unload the dishwasher during this break.
At noon, instead of eating your no-carb lunch rush back upstairs and pick up the bowling ball. Leave the lunch sitting out for the cat to eat (this is a critical part of the program!)
Resume chasing the bowling ball, taking no breaks longer than two minutes, and during breaks drink water and rush to the bathroom. Take no longer than 30 seconds for bathroom breaks.
Play activity games with the bowling ball, rolling it back and forth against the wall, crawl under furniture to retrieve it–be inventive!
About two p.m. you may have a small piece of honey ham rolled in a tortilla with plain water. This is allowed only if you become shaky from not having eaten lunch.
At 2:30 p.m. carry the bowling ball upstairs and give it a bath. Go back downstairs and chase the ball again for 30 minutes. At 3:30 p.m. carry it back upstairs and leave it for 30 minutes during which time you fold a load of clothes, put the load from the washer into the dryer, and another load in the washer. During this time you may take a short break for bathroom and snack of string cheese with a cup of green tea, but it must be eaten standing. No sitting down.
At 4 p.m. take the bowling ball out to the porch and roll it up and down the porch, rushing around each time it approaches the steps, tossing it up into the air and catching it at regular intervals.
At 6 p.m. you may take another short bathroom break.
Follow this routine several days a week and I guarantee a weight loss, even if you have had a super-belly for nearly 40 years.
Our children ruin our bodies, then go after our minds! Children get back at us for everything we ever did wrong. Grandchildren are the reward for the few things we might have done right–and to get back at our children for what they’ve done to us!

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